Just finished day 8 in my Hope devotional book a little while ago. Started another section for the week ahead titled "Jesus, Man of Sorrows."--Love the Scripture for this week. It gives me so much peace. Part of it is from Hebrews 5:7. Here it is:
"While Jesus was here on earth, He offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the One who could deliver Him out of death. And God heard His prayers because of His reverence for God."
I was thinking the other day about how much I literally cried out to God on more than one occasion to heal Avelyn. But He didn't...at least not the way I wanted Him to. I can relate to this Scripture and it gives me peace because Jesus did the same thing; it says Jesus cried out for God to save Him from death. And that God heard Him.--BUT God's will remained for His son to die on the cross. About a month ago when I was struggling, I spoke to a friend on the phone who has also lost a baby. She mentioned something that has really stuck with me and helped me a lot. She said "What if God did tell Jesus 'Get down from the cross. I can't do this. These people aren't worth it...' What would have happened then?? It would have been great--a miracle-- for the people to see then and probably many would have been affected--changed forever--to know Jesus at that time. But what about us today?--No salvation for those of us here now. Just like God heard the cries, the pleadings, from His own Son, He heard my cries, too. But just like His will was still done with His own Son--a BIG plan to save all of us--His sovereign will was also done as our precious Avelyn flew to Him. Do I understand? Heck no. But I'm so thankful and it gives me so much peace to know God does.--God has a plan. He is all knowing and all powerful. Sovereign. Josh & I still truly believe He also has big plans for our sweet Avelyn's life...most likely not something as big as offering salvation to all mankind as His will with His own Son :) , but still something big to where His will was done for His good and "for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28) Does this make it ok that our precious daughter isn't with us? No. Do I still want to be holding her and cuddling her and loving her and watching her sleep in my arms? Absolutely. Am I still angry with God? Yes. BUT, it gives me peace to know His will was done with His own Son, despite His Son's cries to Him, and His will was done with our sweet daughter despite our cries to Him BECAUSE He has a plan. Big plans.
And what about my tears? In last week's devotionals more Scripture spoke to me. God keeps track of all my sorrows. He collects all my tears. (Psalm 56:8) He wipes away all tears. (Isaiah 25:8) He not only wipes away every tear, He will remove all the sorrow that caused them. (Revelation 21:4)--Praise God I know Jesus and will get to see our sweet Avelyn again someday...with no more (sad) tears. :)