Hope. This would have been our 4th child's middle name, if AJ had been a girl. :) Hope. This is one of the major things that got me through - and continues to get me through - after Avelyn passed away. Hope. This is what so many of our Texas friends are holding onto as they don't have much else to hold onto - literally & figuratively - after losing so much - in many cases ALL material things - to Hurricane Harvey. Hope - the eternal hope. This is what I try to get myself to turn to when I'm having a bad day or a bad moment. I have to encourage myself to turn to this, because sometimes it's way easier just to stay stuck in a rut.
Recently I heard a couple quotes I just had to write down:
​"God is far more interested in developing our character than giving us a life of comfort." (stated by a lady who called into Life 88.5) She also references a C.S. Lewis quote, "If you think of this world as a place simply intended for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable; think of it as a place for training and correction and it's not so bad."
​And another quote, "Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that He is the rock at the bottom." Dr. Tony Evans
​It's so easy for me to let this life get me down. From the stupidest of little things like spilling my daughter's cereal all over our van this morning and making a complete mess...to the biggest of big things like having my child pass away and only getting to spend 16 days with her here on this earth. This world just flat stinks sometimes. Sometimes the only thing I can hold onto is eternal hope.

But then there are also the 'Best Time Ever' times:
The birth of a child.
​A wedding celebrating a new couple.
​A big win for your most favorite sports team.
​A huge accomplishment for your child or grandchild.
​In these times, we canNOT imagine a better life. How can it get any better than this? Why would I want to leave these wonderful things for a 'so-called better' life in heaven? True. So true.

​So here's the thing...It's ALL good in heaven. "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain" (Rev. 21:4). So here's my thought, you need to make the best of your time here on earth. Until your time comes, no matter when it is, God wants you here for a reason! Let Your Light Shine. AND ALSO make sure that during your time here on earth, you give your life to Christ (A - Admit you are a sinner, B - Believe Jesus is God's Son and accept His forgiveness, C - Confess your faith in Him) SO THAT when your time on earth does come to an end, there is NO fear; you get to go to ALL things good in heaven - not some fantastic days & some horrible days, like on earth; "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain" (Rev. 21:4) - (and not go to the opposite in hell!)

​As I was writing the things above, I had a thought. Isn't it crazy how so many things in the 'bad day' list can link to things that become a good thing? For example, the tragedy in Houston with the hurricane has led to so much giving and togetherness. I'd like to think the passing of our daughter has brought good to children & families as we give away our children's bibles, that you all so generously contribute to. And, since I spilled that stupid cereal this morning, my van got a much needed vacuuming, lol. 

​In these negative times, it's so easy to let myself go into a slump, have a negative attitude, and not see His Light that may come out of things. Hope. I need to cling to Hope. To His hope. Eternal hope. I am also going to attach a picture of my reason for hope. One way to show Jesus is real, straight out of Scripture. The Old Testament passages were spoken by prophets of God then hundreds/thousands of years later, these things came true - how God promised they would - in the New Testament. Another reason I believe in Christ and have this Hope. Praise God for His promises, in the great times and especially in the not-so-great times.

Check out this big group photo from our 3rd Annual
Let Your Light Shine Family 1 Mile Walk & 5K! Our biggest group yet! LOVE this!!
As I said yesterday before the run, I wasn't initially excited with the idea of doing gray t-shirts this year, but I think they turned out beautifully; I love the super bright yellow! And, to me there's a bigger message behind this t-shirt: Like the shirt, our lives @ times can be gray - dark, gloomy, and just plain ol' gray; unfortunately in t...his life we all have our low, dark, down, not-so-good times. But, then the sun comes powering through - just like the bright sun on our gray shirts - and just like it has for all 3 years we have had this event (just crazy - such a coincidence, not 😉⛅ ). In fact, have any of you ever flown on a dark, gloomy day? When your airplane gets above the clouds, it's as bright as ever; it's amazing.--That sun is actually ALWAYS there. And that's one reason why we call this our Avelyn SonShine Journey: SONshine - 'SON' for Jesus - God's Son. He is always there. Sometimes when I pray, I say "Lord be with (him)" or "Jesus, watch over (her);" the truth is He is already always doing these things; He is always there, just like the sun. Now when I pray I have tried to switch this to say, "Lord, help (him) to know You," or "Jesus, I pray (she) will have a relationship with You." Friends, He is always there, already. It's up to us to reach out to Him. I pray each one of you - if you haven't already - will ask Him into your heart so you will always FEEL that SonShine that is ALREADY there, even on your dark, gloomy days, weeks, months, years.
#morethanjustatshirt
Thank you to each of you who came out yesterday to join us for our 3rd Annual Let Your Light Shine event!! Thank u to all who made this happen: you - our participants, our sponsors, silent auction donors, volunteers, those who made extra donations, my family, my friend Amber Miller, Brad Reighard​ for taking these photos, Greg & Sandra Lancellotti for donating the medals, Life Spring Church​ for giving us a place to have our event...SOOO many people contribute to this event, we are so thankful for EACH of you!
Love & Hugs to all of you!! 💛💖​

Our daughter met Jesus 3 years ago today. This picture of Josh holding her is the moment before the doctor officially said she was gone. We knew her physical body, her earthly body, was dead. But her soul - not so much. She went straight from the arms of her earthly father in this picture to the arms of her Father in heaven. As much as our hearts hurt and as much as we cried out, we realize now that she was suddenly experiencing her Best. Day. Ever.
A couple months ago when I... was driving to pick up AJ, I heard a song called "Home." Hearing the words, I started crying, as it gave me such peace and hope, my heart was full knowing exactly where my daughter was, what she was experiencing: "...Every tear will be wiped away. Every sorrow and sin erased. We'll dance on seas of amazing grace. In Heaven. In Heaven. I'm goin' home. Where the streets are golden. Every chain is broken..." If you haven't listened to it, please do; and it's a great video too:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIb4NC5ikYo
Home - with a capital - H -. This is where our daughter is. And I will someday be with her too. As this video shows, each of us has an 'hour' glass. Avelyn's was a '16 day glass.' So far mine has been a '29 year (+ 10 😂) glass...and counting.' What is yours? Are you afraid for when yours runs out? I hope not...but if you are, please, PLEASE do something about it. Talk to me. Please.
Since Avelyn passed away, my faith has grown stronger. So thankful for this, for because of this, I KNOW where she is. Children who do not yet know right from wrong are given 'exceptional mercy' and are granted an automatic 'ticket' to heaven. For us though - for the rest of us here, we do know right from wrong. Therefore, we are able to make a choice. We need to make a choice - for Jesus - in order to meet the loved ones ahead of us - who have made that choice and gone to heaven. We need to make that choice so we can be "in Your open arms" - in Jesus' arms. Because of God's gift to children of 'exceptional mercy,' Avelyn has met Jesus, and I'm so thankful I will too; and I will meet her - HEALED - for the first time, when my 'hour glass' is done.
I'm not afraid to die. Now, don't get me wrong, I want to be here to raise my children with my husband and love on my loved ones and share my faith with as many people as possible and try to Let My Light Shine. But when God calls me, I'll be ready. I have no doubt where I'm going. I pray each of you is ready too, when your hour glass reaches it's last grain of salt. Lots of Love & Hugs friends. ❤️💛💖🌦️☀
Happy heavenly birthday sweet girl.

Happy 3rd Birthday Avelyn KayLee Grace! It was a beautiful day in so many ways as we celebrated you. First of all your big sister Aili was fever-free and feeling more like herself, which always makes for a more fun adventure. 😋 Also I got to share a little about u at church today and the journey u & your buddy Jesus have taken us on.--U guys have helped us order >3,500 bibles...with hopefully more to come after our 3rd Annual Let Your Light Shine event. And best of all, your ...daddy, big sisters, baby brother, and I got to feel u & experience u in God's creation; enjoying our back patio, which has our sunshine - you - imprinted on it, with your siblings as your rays. ☀ We decorated cookies and put 1 candle each on your siblings cookies - so 3 candles total - before singing Happy Birthday to u. Did u hear us?!? 💛 (And we of course ate the cookies - or 2 or 3). 😃 It was absolutely a JOY filled day.️ Happy Birthday sweet girl. We ❤ u SO much.
These pictures capture a little of what we were able to enjoy today to celebrate Avelyn's 3rd Bday. It was a gorgeous day outside; couldn't have been better. Wanted to share one little miracle we saw.--Near the end of the pics, you'll see my bird leggings (Avelyn means 'bird' in Latin); I wore them for Avelyn today.--At one point while we were playing outside, God sent a beautiful blue bird for Aili, AJ, & I to see; the pic doesn't do it justice, but I captured it the best I could. 😋 We definitely felt Avelyn's presence as we soaked in this beautiful weather God gave us. Aili said, "God gave us warm weather for Avelyn's birthday." 💛
Thank u Lord Jesus for the 'trust without borders' u have continued to give us & that "peace that transcends all understanding." Friends, if u don't know this peace or u have never experienced it, PLEASE ask us what it's about. We love u & want u to know it & feel it & experience it too. ​

11:55pm   We received a gift in the mail today. It is a portrait, a drawing of our sweet Avelyn. No tubes, no wires, just her. The portrait was free. It was drawn by a fellow mom who also had a child pass away; thru Children's Mercy she offers to do portraits like this for moms; out of the blue a few weeks ago we received a letter offering this. So thankful. I have it attached below; isn't it beautiful? Isn't she beautiful? We have never seen Avelyn like this; near the end, we did, but by that time she was so swollen, she didn't even look like herself...she was so swollen her little tongue was stuck, sticking out of her little mouth. So this portrait means so much to me. This first picture I attached has always been my favorite picture of Avelyn. Such a precious, angelic face. For the most part, I have been able to look past the tubes & wires in this picture, but I have always longed to see a picture of her without them. When Josh & I opened this gift this evening, we talked a bit about her short life, almost 3 years ago. We also looked at the couple other pictures I had included in the letter to the artist. After looking at these pictures, I watched this video of me singing and then talking to Avelyn. - A video that I always keep on my phone. I love this video because Avelyn was reacting to me singing and to Josh & I talking to her. Her entire short life, it  was so hard for her to move due to her significant swelling, so she rarely moved...and it was only a handful of times she was even able to open her eyes due to this swelling.--At the end of this video, she is trying to open her eyes to see us. I love this moment.
​Ya know what else I love? I love that Avelyn is no longer hurting. I love that she is able to move & dance with freedom - not attached by a wire or limited by intense & heavy swelling weighing her down. I love that she is able to open her eyes with ease; I wish she was opening them to see me, her mommy, but instead she is seeing something much, much more beautiful. Heaven. Jesus. Her heavenly Father. A creation beyond words, beyond what our imaginations are able to dream. A place where I will join her one day.
​I hesitated to share this video. In some ways it's hard to watch, but it also gives me peace. Yesterday as we celebrated Easter and I read so many fb posts, I was reminded how Jesus hurt. How Jesus was nailed to the cross, taking your sins & my sins with Him.--Dying, and taking our sins with Him. Thankfully the story didn't end there though, with our sins nailed to the cross with Jesus. Instead, Jesus left our sins there and rose so that we, me, you, my daughter could take His gift, His grace, for eternal life, in heaven. With Him. We were given freedom from pain & burdens & tears & death, because of His grace.
​We are doing a series on Monday nights @ church right now called The Joshua Project. It is a series using scientific evidence to prove that God's creation is real. It shows that you have to have more faith to believe in evolution than in creation because there simply isn't enough science to prove evolution. And that aside, if evolution were true, where's the hope?--My peace re: my daughter would be non-existent. Praise the Lord that HIS creation is real. That it's not only proven scientifically, but that because there is God, there is a "why" behind us. Not simply for us just to exist, but because our God has a purpose for us, a reason for us being here. And also a hope and a peace for a life beyond this life...an everlasting life for those of us who confess our faith in Him. Please do this friends. Accept His grace, His hope, His peace - by accepting Him. Love & hugs all. Goodnight.

The look on AJ's face says it all. :) Our shipments have arrived! And...we were able to order enough bibles - because of your generous donations - that these next few days/weeks I don't have to spend hours...and hours...and hours placing stickers with our story inside - and our Let Your Light Shine logo on the front. Thank you! Praise the Lord!! The bibles look so good. We ordered @ a time where the publisher just so happened to be updating "The Beginner's Bible" so these new bibles have enhanced pictures and slightly thicker pages. So thankful for this, but even more thankful that the stories inside are exactly the same.--So thankful for our unchanging God.
​As we are coming upon AJ's 1st (what?!?!) birthday, I can't help but think how our story has unfolded these past (almost) 3 years. From expecting the birth of our 3rd daughter...to preparing to celebrate our son's (son?!?) 1st birthday...to handing out hundreds (and soon to be thousands) of children's bibles in between. AND...this ministry has also allowed Josh & I to host a faith-based volleyball clinic, our SonShine Volleyball Clinic, which we are hoping to do again soon for a new group. I can't help but think these opportunities would not have come upon us without the events taking place like they have.--Who am I to think this?...but this is just what I feel the Holy Spirit laying on my heart.

Prior to being mocked, beaten, and suffering a slow, tormenting death on the cross, Jesus says, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me." I am currently in a 7 week study called "Seamless" by Angie Smith. We are on week 6 and she points out Scripture after Scripture showing detail after detail how many things had to take place in order for Jesus to end up on that cross. So many things could have happened for Him NOT to end up there. After asking his Father to "take this cup from me," Jesus states "yet not as I will, but as You will." God is able; there is NO doubt He could have kept His Son from suffering death on that cross, a death typically reserved for murderer's and thieves. But this was His will.--And for the sake of you & me, thank goodness it was.--While up there, Jesus took ALL my sin & ALL your sin with Him. Angie Smith states:
"For hours, He hung; the weight of all the sin of the world balanced between the narrow beams of wood." Wow.

After Avelyn was born, while she was in the NICU for those 'all too short' 16 days of her earthly life, I prayed constantly to God for Him to heal her, and I just KNEW He would. Now, I know He could, but for some reason or another, He chose not to. This has been a hard, HARD pill to swallow, and I still am not fully able to say "yet not as I will, but as You will," as Jesus did (leave this to our King and to those of the upmost, upmost faith). At the same time, I am also SO thankful to Him for pulling me through this, so I could see some positives come out of this tragedy - that He could have taken me out of. We have been blessed with our beautiful son, a son He has given us to care for on this earth. He has taken us on our Avelyn SonShine Journey--our Let Your Light Shine ministry.--It is such a blessing to see the bibles - that each of you has helped to provide - getting into the hands of as many children & families as possible. And it was such a blessing to share the gospel & our love for volleyball to young kids in our community. I thank Him for these opportunities and I pray He continues to provide them for us and take us through them.

​And this must be said...it's not easy to store 2,500 bibles! I cannot sign off without giving a special thank you to the people @ the 3 locations that have agreed to do this, asking nothing in return; one of whom we have never even officially met yet; yes, it's true. May God Bless each of you. You (and He :) ) know who you are. Thank you!

​Love & Hugs to you all. God Bless you, and thank you for keeping this ministry alive!!!

On Tuesday the kids & I were @ Culver's to support the girls' elementary school PTO restaurant night (and yes, to allow me not to have to cook, lol). Josh was out of town, working so hard to support our family, so this immediately increases the level of craziness in our life. Temporary 'single mom' life. Who can relate? :) We had just ordered our food and were filling our drinks. As all moms do, I was juggling multiple things with my purse, AJ, his car seat, etc...while trying to fill my drink and help Aili get ice in hers. I was in the midst of (beautiful) chaos. :) I heard my phone ring and felt the need to check it and answer it. On the other end of the line was Becky, the super sweet lady who has been helping us these past few months work out the details for our next big order of children's bibles. I knew she would be calling, most likely the next day, but was thrilled to hear her voice that evening. She was calling to get the info she needed for us to make the final payment on our big order of bibles. I asked her to hold a minute as I began to lug everything to a booth while also trying to say hello to some friends from the girls' school we saw in the restaurant. We finally got situated in a booth, but it was so loud I could barely hear myself think, let alone quietly give her payment info over the phone.--I really didn't want to shout the final payment info for everyone in the restaurant to hear, so the kids sat very nicely in the booth as I snuck out of the restaurant for a minute to speak with Becky. It was a beautiful night as I stood right outside the window of the booth where my kiddos were sitting. AJ spotted me first, then I knocked and got Aili's attention. She then patted Brooklan to get her sister to look out the window at me, as well. Such a beautiful sight seeing the 3 of them sitting there so nicely, enjoying themselves and peaking out at me. :)  As I stood there and read that final payment info to Becky, I felt wrapped in God's grace...I felt such peace surrounding me - on a quiet night to my left, to my right, and behind me AND with my precious children sitting on the other side of the glass in front of me...And with your help & God's help we made this transaction, which was a thing of beauty​, for so many reasons. Do you have any guesses for how many bibles we just ordered?!?! I am incredibly humbled & blessed to say we have officially placed an order for 2,5000 children's bibles. So at that moment I had 3 of the most important things in my life sitting right in front of me, as I ordered 2,500 children's bibles - which we hope & pray will positively affect & make a difference in the lives of tens, hundreds, thousands more of God's children - children surrounding me on ALL sides, in all walks of life. And I am so thankful to say, this is with our story pre-printed on the inside, which saves us tons of time AND allows us to ship the bibles to locations without them having to come through us first. Such. A. Blessing.
​Have any of you been watching the new TV series 'This is Us'? Josh & I have seen the first 2 shows and we love it so far. A scene from the first show really got to me. The dad of the couple who just had twins - supposed to be triplets - was sitting in the hallway - most likely feeling an extreme mixture of emotions, from the birth of his twins, a son & a daughter, to the loss of his triplet son. The doctor, an older gentleman who delivered them, goes and sits down next to the dad to try to 'share something meaningful.'. The doctor starts visiting with the dad and mentions that he has 5 kids of his own, but his first child - prior to these 5 - didn't make it, which is what inspired him to become a doctor, a doctor who delivers babies. He then says, 'I'd like to think the loss of that one child has helped to save countless others.' This immediately caused tears to roll down my face, as it relates to what we - me & you - (hopefully) are able to do with our children's bibles. This doctor was talking about saving lives on this earth; lives he could see as he held these newborn babies in his arms. The children's bibles you have helped to donate are definitely encouraging, inspiring, and bringing families together - as we have heard lots of stories; praise the Lord!--We like to think and are hoping they are also saving countless others, but not for a life on this earth like this doctor had done, but life into eternity - a forever life. Unfortunately we are unable to see these lives you all are helping to save, like this doctor was able to do, but one day when those of us whom have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior are sitting next to Him in heaven, I like to think we will have a glimpse of these children, God's children, whom had received these bibles on earth, which may have been part of the journey to get them there.
​The bibles we have ordered will take 18 weeks to publish. We are able to have them shipped to 3 different locations. We are thrilled to have completed this order and even more thrilled to receive them. Thank YOU for being part of this...whether you ran in our race, bid on items in our silent auction, donated a separate amount, volunteered before or on or after race day, sponsored our race or an extra donation, or prayed...YOU have made a difference - a difference in the lives of God's children. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

The day after our 2nd Annual Let Your Light Shine Family 1 Mile Walk & 5K on May 28th, we went as a family to the Royals game. (Our race went beautifully, by the way; thank you to ALL who participated by walking, running, donating, sponsoring, praying... THANK YOU!! We are awaiting pre-printed story pricing on our children's bibles and are hoping for an update and a big order soon!).  It was AJ's 1st Royals game (of hopefully many, he says ;) ), and it was a Funday Sunday, so after the game we all got to run the bases, a 1st for all of us; AJ almost out-ran me. ;) One of the things we did during the game is go on the short tour of the Royals Hall of Fame behind the left outfield wall, where you are able to get your picture taken with the World Series trophy at the end of the tour. Check out the background of our picture.--On this huge TV, there are several videos being played of the Royals journey to the 2015 World Series crown; our picture just so happened to land with this background - "Journey to the Crown" - on the screen. As I looked at this picture of our family and saw these words, something really ​hit home for me. It was a different kind of 'home run,' thinking about our journey to a different kind of 'crown' - the crown with Christ in heaven.
So many things have happened recently that have made me so thankful that this journey we're living is not it. So many tragedies from terrorist attacks around the world, to innocent lives being taken and cops being killed in the USA, to a sweet 14 month old baby girl from our little community being hit and killed after a tragic car accident at a home daycare just last Wednesday. Today I went to the memorial service for Harper, this precious baby girl; it was a beautiful service. Everything was perfect; so many things stuck out to me, and I want to share a couple things. Harper's Uncle Greg did a great job sharing his heart and encouraging others. He mentioned that a couple years ago he was in Beverly Hills for work and for some reason he decided to go listen to Pastor Judah Smith speak; something the pastor said changed him and really stuck with him that day; he didn't know why at the time, but today he said he now does know why; the words were "begin with the end in mind." At first I didn't get this, but as Greg continued to talk, it hit me. What is "...the end"? If you are a believer in Jesus Christ - if you put all your faith in Him, you know what your end is; you will spend eternity in heaven. He encouraged us all to wake up every morning thinking not about the beginning of each day, but about the end; when you know your end, it will make everything else less stressful, less tragic, less crazy...and more 'enjoy the moment;' this gives me peace as I face each day. Also at the service today, one of the pastor's who spoke, Pastor Burt Garwood, mentioned that those who have faith in Jesus Christ have hope, and he defined this hope: "Hope in God is a certainty of something better yet to come." Thank goodness for this. There are such good times on this earth, but there are a heck of a lot of bad times, too. Praise God for this hope that was talked about today. This reminds me of a verse, John 16:33: "...In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, ​​I have ​overcome the world."
​A few Sundays ago, we were (supposed to be) singing a song in church that I had not been able to sing since Avelyn passed away. I would be able to sing most of the song until I would see the words pop up on the screen that say, "It will be my joy to say, your will, your way..." I had not been able to sing these words until a moment a few weeks ago when I heard Avelyn say to me, "it's okay, mom...I'm good...go ahead and sing those words..." And so I did. This brought me so much peace to hear/feel her say this to me. I am so sad she is not with us; there is not an ounce of happiness in me that our baby girl passed away. However I do have the utmost amount of joy within me that our baby girl is in heaven. And she is happy. She is joy-filled beyond measure. She has reached her beautiful end, while I am here, trying my best to let my light shine while I await my eventual end - in heaven, with her, with Christ.
​Since I heard her say this to me and after seeing our "Journey to the Crown" picture, I have been so much more at peace about my time here on this earth. And it was such a confirmation to me when I heard those words today to "begin with the end in mind." Do I hate seeing all the negative going on all around me? Yes. Does it tear me apart to see my friend mourning and feeling the loss of her sweet daughter? Absolutely. I hate it. I remember a time after Avelyn passed away that I had so much anger, it overwhelmed me, I didn't know what to do with it or how to handle it; thankfully I had help getting through this. But knowing this earth is simply a 'Journey to the Crown' has really helped me realize that no matter what I am going through, God is by my side - with an ultimate goal, with His end, and with His crown awaiting my call heavenward - and I can find joy in this; that's why my daughter told me it was okay to sing those words. Whatever I go through, the highs - the lows, the amazing - the crappy, the joys - the sorrows...God has a plan for why it is happening - He has the end in mind. I do not understand it; believe me, I've tried. But He does, and this gives me peace no matter what I face. I always go back to the verses - Romans 8:28 and Philippians 4:7...
Friday night we were visiting with friends, and our friend Ryan brought up how so many young lives have been lost in our tiny little community of Spring Hill in recent years - from sweet Harper 5 days ago, to a 9 year-old boy getting hit while going to the mailbox just a few short months ago, to teen suicides, to sweet 9 year-old Hally dying tragically after contracting a brain-eating amoeba 2 years ago, to our sweet 16 day old Avelyn dying due to a heart condition, to Nathan Stiles passing away after suffering a concussion in a football game just over 5 years ago. So much tragedy has happened in our little community, and as much as our hearts ache, Satan is loving it. Someone mentioned to me recently that we now have a lot of bases covered - with the children's bibles given with the Avelyn SonShine Journey, with the Team Hally bibles, and with the Nathan Project bibles, we now have bibles available geared toward all ages - from newborn babies all the way up to us in adulthood. After hearing this, my first thought was a feeling of excitement, knowing these bibles are now out there, able to get into the hands of so many. But then I wondered why these tragedies had to happen in order for these bibles to get out there? I do not know the answer to this and it breaks my heart to think this coulda, woulda, shoulda happened without these tragedies, but unfortunately it didn't. If I think about this as "begin with the end in mind," it helps: so now we have 3 beautiful lives in heaven - Avelyn, Hally, & Nathan - albeit too soon, but at least we know where they are...AND we have thousands more lives being reached because these bibles are now out there. Now friends, church, let's begin to reach lives, to change lives withOUT these tragedies occurring in the first place. We have to, we need to - do this together.
​This life is a journey, not an end all, be all - at least until the very end; you still have a choice!! But in the end, it's a journey to one of 2 things: the eternal darkness of hell or to the crown with Jesus - forever. What determines where you end your journey? Your faith, or lack thereof. If you do your ABCs - Admit you are a sinner, Believe in Jesus, Confess your sins to Him...if you change your heart, fill it with faith, and live for Him, we know your end will be in heaven. Praise God. I also praise Him for 'the age of accountability,' that those too young to do these ABC's, will be in heaven, as well; with the help of our pastor, we talk more about this on the back inside cover of our children's bibles. But if you are old enough to make decisions and you do not have or live out this faith - you have not done these ABC's, unfortunately your end will be to spend eternity in hell, experiencing God's wrath. I do not want this for any of you!
​Pleeeeaaaasssse friends, do your ABC's...
​Thank you Whitney & Geoff for allowing us into your lives today to share in the celebration of life of your baby girl. It was such a beautiful service with so many moving, memorable things shared; I feel lives will be changed for the good because of this. We love you both, we love you Cole & Kinsley, and we love you sweet Harper. Please tell my sweet Avelyn we say hello and give her one of your BIG squeezes for us. <3
​Love & Hugs friends...
​

The timing of things can be quite interesting sometimes. The past 16 days, from Avelyn's birthday until today, the day she got to meet Jesus face-to-face 2 years ago, have been quite busy. From snuggling with our now 3 month old son, to planning our 2nd Annual Let Your Light Shine Family 1 Mile Walk & 5k, and everything in between. One of the things that happened to fall into this time was our trip up to Children's Mercy Hospital. All 5 of us drove up there to drop off more children's bibles. We also went up to the 3rd floor to see if we could see any nurses that we recognized - so we could say 'hello' and they could meet AJ. We were in a hurry because Josh had to teach that evening, so we were walking briskly. As I quickly walked past an open door, I thought I saw a familiar face. I turned around and walked back to peek in the door, and as I did, the familiar face was coming toward us because she thought she recognized us, as well. The door we had passed was the temporary staff lounge for NICU nurses; their lounge is normally behind closed doors, but due to construction they had been moved to this new, temporary location, where I just so happened to peek in, and Avelyn's sweet nurse Kristyn just so happened to be in there, peeking out at us at the same time. She was one of the many blessings we encountered during Avelyn's 16 days @ CMH. A long while before (maybe a year ago? ) she had e-mailed us to ask if she could do a presentation on Avelyn's case for one of her nurse practitioner classes. We approved and she did this, and as we visited with her a couple weeks ago, she mentioned she was invited to give this presentation of Avelyn's case to an upcoming conference in Washington D.C. She asked if we had some pictures of Avelyn we wouldn't mind sharing for this presentation. 
​And that leads me to the next "coincidentally" timed happening...about a week ago. Josh was out of town and I was looking through pictures to send her and a few videos we had with Avelyn...me singing to Avelyn, Daddy reading to Avelyn, Avelyn with her big sisters, Avelyn meeting family for the 1st time - and the last, all 4 of us singing "You Are My Sunshine" to Avelyn, and Aili singing "Let it Go" to her baby sister. It was very emotional for me, as you can imagine. It reminded me of how much love we had for her & showed her, but also how much pain she endured during her short stay here on this earth.--I saw all those tubes & wires, the tube down her throat that never allowed us to hear her make a sound, but only to move uncomfortably making it apparent she was in so much pain, likely wanting to get out of there to be held by her mommy or her daddy. Seeing your child in that type of pain is heart-wrenching and it gave me peace knowing she is no longer in any pain. She isn't with her mommy or her earthly father, but she is being snuggled by her heavenly Father.
​As I was so emotional looking at these pictures, I was holding our newest sweet blessing, AJ. He was sleeping peacefully in my arms as I looked at these pictures and videos of his big sister. Another thing timing wise that I absolutely cannot comprehend; it honestly just blows my mind and gives me chills just thinking about it. If Avelyn was here, we likely wouldn't have Andersen - AJ. We likely would have been done having kids...and if not, most definitely wouldn't have wanted to have them that close together. We wouldn't even know AJ existed. This makes me so sad to think about, too. This is where God's understanding of things is way, WAY above mine and gives me such peace. I have a plan on this earth, but I've learned my plan doesn't always flow the way I want it to. I lay out the plan, but He guides my path (Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."). Do I want Avelyn here? 100% absolutely yes. Do I want AJ here? Same answer. Do I understand why things have played out the way they have? No, and I never will...and it blows my mind to think about it, even briefly. Makes no sense.
​Even though it happens quite frequently that I do not understand why things happen the way they do on this earth, it helps SO much to know there is a God - our great God - who is orchestrating it all, knows what is best for me - for the good, and has laid it all out for his great purpose. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
​After looking at all those pictures and a few videos of Avelyn, later that night I was reminded about another verse, Revelation 21:4 which reads "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." I am so thankful for this for Avelyn; no more pain; this is part of what gives me ​so much peace. ​But then I got to thinking...when I get to go to heaven - because of my faith in Christ and God's great grace - as I run up to and hug my little girl, hugging her and squeezing her tighter than I ever have before, I have no doubt that I will have tears, JOYful tears. Will those tears be allowed? I guess it doesn't say tears won't be allowed, it just says God will wipe them away. Won't this be a beautiful sight...
​So as we prepare for our 2nd Annual Let Your Light Shine Family Walk/Run on Saturday in honor of & in memory of our daughter, and to continue to raise funds to buy more children's bibles, even though I don't understand it, I will rest in peace knowing our little girl is with Him - in no pain, and He has given us another child, a son, to love on here on this earth...and he is such a blessing. Phil 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but by everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
​Please pray for a sunny day on Saturday...or at the very worst a light rain, so we may all dance in the rain. For "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain." Vivian Greene
​And that brings me to what inspired me to write this post...another divinely, not 'coincidentally' timed event. Earlier today it started raining. Rain. Exactly like it did 2 years ago today. It was after 1:00 in the morning. I was sitting outside in the middle of the night watching a beautiful peaceful rain. It was just after 2am when I heard my phone ringing inside. It was Avelyn's night doctor. Her blood pressure had been climbing and they were having lots of trouble bringing it down. Watching this peaceful rain gave me the calm, the peace I needed to face the day ahead. That evening, a few minutes after 6pm, our sweet Avelyn KayLee Grace entered heaven. Rain means more to me now than it ever did before. It brings me peace. It reminds me that with faith in Christ, our sins are ​washed ​away. It reminds me of the tears we have here on this earth, that will be wiped away by Him in heaven. It is a symbol of the dark days we all go through on this earth, while we await meeting our Son in heaven.
​So rain or shine, this Saturday will be a good day...what God intends for it to be.

So here is my facebook post from earlier today:

Happy 2nd Birthday sweet Avelyn.
Two years ago today I was 36 weeks pregnant and we went to Children's Mercy for a fetal echocardiogram/ultrasound to "rule-out" fluid on our baby's heart. Just a few short hours later our 3rd daughter, Avelyn KayLee Grace was born via C-section. There would be no "ruling-out."
Today we should be celebrating Ave's 2nd birthday with her.
- Instead we will have a small celebration with the 5 of us to honor her & help our older daughter's remember her.
- Instead we will wear our yellow for our Sunshine, and we will enjoy time outside taking in the sunshine, feeling our Sunshine, knowing she is with the Son shining in heaven.
- Instead we will continue planning our 2nd Annual Let Your Light Shine event.
- Instead we will continue our Avelyn SonShine Journey here on earth with our mission to get children's bibles into the hands of as many children & families as possible.
Our Avelyn SonShine Journey. It's not the journey we expected to be on or chose to be on, but it's the journey He has put us on and we pray He continues to grant us grace as we continue this mission. So many of you have joined us on our journey. Thank you! We hope you will join us - whether for the 1st time or to continue your journey with us - on the morning of May 28th. We would LOVE this.
Enjoy this beautiful weekend, friends. And to my Mom and all Moms out there, Happy Mother's Day.


This post was from this morning and now it's near midnight. It ended up being a good day. We did wear our yellow. We did enjoy the sunshine--eating lunch & dinner outside, going for a walk, and the girls enjoyed swinging and having a spray bottle water fight (and Josh & I loved hearing them laugh and giggle together). :) The weather was absolutely beautiful. I made cupcakes and we all decorated them with white frosting and blue & yellow gel/icing. And we sang a heavenly happy birthday to Avelyn.

​I am the only one still awake. Everyone else has had their cupcake and/or ice cream, but I am saving mine for some quiet time after I finish this post. I think I will look at the photo album I made of Avelyn and maybe watch some videos of her. I am looking forward to taking some time to reflect and reminisce on my short time here on this earth as her mother. So, so thankful for my time here on this earth with her...and even more thankful for the time I will get to spend in eternity - for eternity - with her, Jesus, her Daddy, and I pray all of her siblings, too. And I pray with all of you, as well. I pray each of you will give your life to Christ, as our time on this earth is literally short-lived, but after this, it's, well, eternal. Love & hugs to each of you. And God Bless you, Moms. EnJOY your day tomorrow.