And that leads me to the next "coincidentally" timed happening...about a week ago. Josh was out of town and I was looking through pictures to send her and a few videos we had with Avelyn...me singing to Avelyn, Daddy reading to Avelyn, Avelyn with her big sisters, Avelyn meeting family for the 1st time - and the last, all 4 of us singing "You Are My Sunshine" to Avelyn, and Aili singing "Let it Go" to her baby sister. It was very emotional for me, as you can imagine. It reminded me of how much love we had for her & showed her, but also how much pain she endured during her short stay here on this earth.--I saw all those tubes & wires, the tube down her throat that never allowed us to hear her make a sound, but only to move uncomfortably making it apparent she was in so much pain, likely wanting to get out of there to be held by her mommy or her daddy. Seeing your child in that type of pain is heart-wrenching and it gave me peace knowing she is no longer in any pain. She isn't with her mommy or her earthly father, but she is being snuggled by her heavenly Father.
As I was so emotional looking at these pictures, I was holding our newest sweet blessing, AJ. He was sleeping peacefully in my arms as I looked at these pictures and videos of his big sister. Another thing timing wise that I absolutely cannot comprehend; it honestly just blows my mind and gives me chills just thinking about it. If Avelyn was here, we likely wouldn't have Andersen - AJ. We likely would have been done having kids...and if not, most definitely wouldn't have wanted to have them that close together. We wouldn't even know AJ existed. This makes me so sad to think about, too. This is where God's understanding of things is way, WAY above mine and gives me such peace. I have a plan on this earth, but I've learned my plan doesn't always flow the way I want it to. I lay out the plan, but He guides my path (Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."). Do I want Avelyn here? 100% absolutely yes. Do I want AJ here? Same answer. Do I understand why things have played out the way they have? No, and I never will...and it blows my mind to think about it, even briefly. Makes no sense.
Even though it happens quite frequently that I do not understand why things happen the way they do on this earth, it helps SO much to know there is a God - our great God - who is orchestrating it all, knows what is best for me - for the good, and has laid it all out for his great purpose. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
After looking at all those pictures and a few videos of Avelyn, later that night I was reminded about another verse, Revelation 21:4 which reads "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." I am so thankful for this for Avelyn; no more pain; this is part of what gives me so much peace. But then I got to thinking...when I get to go to heaven - because of my faith in Christ and God's great grace - as I run up to and hug my little girl, hugging her and squeezing her tighter than I ever have before, I have no doubt that I will have tears, JOYful tears. Will those tears be allowed? I guess it doesn't say tears won't be allowed, it just says God will wipe them away. Won't this be a beautiful sight...
So as we prepare for our 2nd Annual Let Your Light Shine Family Walk/Run on Saturday in honor of & in memory of our daughter, and to continue to raise funds to buy more children's bibles, even though I don't understand it, I will rest in peace knowing our little girl is with Him - in no pain, and He has given us another child, a son, to love on here on this earth...and he is such a blessing. Phil 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but by everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Please pray for a sunny day on Saturday...or at the very worst a light rain, so we may all dance in the rain. For "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain." Vivian Greene
And that brings me to what inspired me to write this post...another divinely, not 'coincidentally' timed event. Earlier today it started raining. Rain. Exactly like it did 2 years ago today. It was after 1:00 in the morning. I was sitting outside in the middle of the night watching a beautiful peaceful rain. It was just after 2am when I heard my phone ringing inside. It was Avelyn's night doctor. Her blood pressure had been climbing and they were having lots of trouble bringing it down. Watching this peaceful rain gave me the calm, the peace I needed to face the day ahead. That evening, a few minutes after 6pm, our sweet Avelyn KayLee Grace entered heaven. Rain means more to me now than it ever did before. It brings me peace. It reminds me that with faith in Christ, our sins are washed away. It reminds me of the tears we have here on this earth, that will be wiped away by Him in heaven. It is a symbol of the dark days we all go through on this earth, while we await meeting our Son in heaven.
So rain or shine, this Saturday will be a good day...what God intends for it to be.