11:30pm
It's Friday night. I made it through my first week back at work. It wasn't too bad...and I have no doubt that it's God's strength and power--through your prayers-- getting me through. Thank u! It was busy at times and I am still getting in the swing of things, but that will only get better. A couple times--once by someone who works at the hospital and once by a former patient--people asked about "the baby...how she was doing" bc they didn't know, and honestly I don't mind that. I would rather this happen than someone know what happened and just totally avoid me. Most times I love talking about Avelyn--at least about how much I love her and miss her, how much of a fighter she was, what a precious, perfect, face she had--with her sister's nose, how she would try to open her eyes when she would hear us talking (which was so hard for her because of all the swelling she had), that she had her Daddy's toes and her Mommy's fingers, how she would respond to me when I would sing to her, how much I'm looking forward to seeing her again--I am so looking forward to this day. At least talking about her let's others know about her and how thankful I am for the time I was able to spend with her here on earth...I just wish it was longer, much longer. On the other hand, sometimes it is hard for me to talk about her because I know she was uncomfortable...most of the pictures we have of her, she just looks so uncomfortable, but she was so tough, she withstood so much.--I was uncomfortable with swelling in my legs a few days after my c-section, but I tried not to complain because she had swelling, major swelling, throughout her whole entire LITTLE body, yet kept fighting, hanging on. I don't like thinking about her unhealthy physical body because, despite this, she was an overcomer; she gave it everything she had right down to her last breath to overcome everything.--And also there is not a need to think about this side of things anymore because she is HEALTHY now. Lots of hard things to think about when it comes to Avelyn's short life, but the positives will ALWAYS outway the negatives. So most times I enjoy sharing stories about my baby girl with others. ;) And most of all I just want people to know about her--because she was AND STILL IS a big part of our life, and always will be. We got the photo album in the mail that I made for her, and it is something I will always cherish. So glad I was able to put this together. Love that little girl. :)
Response to a comment (7/12/14):
To respond to Lori's comment, it's so crazy and I have no good answer. Lori, you have been good by the way. ;) I was talking to a friend today about being at both ends of the spectrum: being completely sad and not wanting to talk about things vs. at other times wanting to share all the wonderful things about our precious baby girl.--And I cannot determine which day, or even at what time, I will feel which.--So, I definitely don't expect others to know either! :) I just don't want people to avoid me because they don't know what to say...or have to walk on egg shells not knowing if something they say will upset me--so they say nothing at all. Simply put, I just want people to be themselves and not to worry. If I am talking with someone and Avelyn comes up, great; if not, that's fine too...just as long as they don't think they have to avoid me and never talk to me again...I definitely don't want that! ;) Just be yourself... Love and hugs all! :)
It's Friday night. I made it through my first week back at work. It wasn't too bad...and I have no doubt that it's God's strength and power--through your prayers-- getting me through. Thank u! It was busy at times and I am still getting in the swing of things, but that will only get better. A couple times--once by someone who works at the hospital and once by a former patient--people asked about "the baby...how she was doing" bc they didn't know, and honestly I don't mind that. I would rather this happen than someone know what happened and just totally avoid me. Most times I love talking about Avelyn--at least about how much I love her and miss her, how much of a fighter she was, what a precious, perfect, face she had--with her sister's nose, how she would try to open her eyes when she would hear us talking (which was so hard for her because of all the swelling she had), that she had her Daddy's toes and her Mommy's fingers, how she would respond to me when I would sing to her, how much I'm looking forward to seeing her again--I am so looking forward to this day. At least talking about her let's others know about her and how thankful I am for the time I was able to spend with her here on earth...I just wish it was longer, much longer. On the other hand, sometimes it is hard for me to talk about her because I know she was uncomfortable...most of the pictures we have of her, she just looks so uncomfortable, but she was so tough, she withstood so much.--I was uncomfortable with swelling in my legs a few days after my c-section, but I tried not to complain because she had swelling, major swelling, throughout her whole entire LITTLE body, yet kept fighting, hanging on. I don't like thinking about her unhealthy physical body because, despite this, she was an overcomer; she gave it everything she had right down to her last breath to overcome everything.--And also there is not a need to think about this side of things anymore because she is HEALTHY now. Lots of hard things to think about when it comes to Avelyn's short life, but the positives will ALWAYS outway the negatives. So most times I enjoy sharing stories about my baby girl with others. ;) And most of all I just want people to know about her--because she was AND STILL IS a big part of our life, and always will be. We got the photo album in the mail that I made for her, and it is something I will always cherish. So glad I was able to put this together. Love that little girl. :)
Response to a comment (7/12/14):
To respond to Lori's comment, it's so crazy and I have no good answer. Lori, you have been good by the way. ;) I was talking to a friend today about being at both ends of the spectrum: being completely sad and not wanting to talk about things vs. at other times wanting to share all the wonderful things about our precious baby girl.--And I cannot determine which day, or even at what time, I will feel which.--So, I definitely don't expect others to know either! :) I just don't want people to avoid me because they don't know what to say...or have to walk on egg shells not knowing if something they say will upset me--so they say nothing at all. Simply put, I just want people to be themselves and not to worry. If I am talking with someone and Avelyn comes up, great; if not, that's fine too...just as long as they don't think they have to avoid me and never talk to me again...I definitely don't want that! ;) Just be yourself... Love and hugs all! :)
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