8:35am As Aili is still sleeping this morning, I have been able to enjoy a beautiful morning outside...soaking up God's word and soaking up my sunshine. Love experiencing God's creation, as I continue to feel my daughter's presence, as I enjoy it. As I was sitting on our front porch this morning, I was thinking back to our time with Avelyn. I thought about those 16 short days. I thought about how I really didn't ever give a serious thought to the fact that she might not make it. Talking to Josh, I think he did because he had done more research on hydrops, but I didn't. Had no clue. Didn't give it a thought. And didn't want to. Didn't even really cross my mind until one day one of the doctors mentioned the word "survive," but immediately after he said it, I thought "no, not my daughter, there's NO possibility she won't 'survive,' that's just ridiculous." Even the day before she passed when we were in the Care Team Meeting with all those doctors and health care professionals and they told us "we don't think she's going to make it," I continued to believe our God would heal her. Even though I still had hope and put my full trust in God that He would heal her, I suppose it was at that moment that I finally came to the realization that it was at least a possibility that she may not make it. What if I would have known this the whole time? What if I would have known our precious baby girl, that I gave birth to and 'spent' almost 9 months with, would only live 16 short days? Would I have done things differently??? As I thought about this, another realization hit me...I pondered these other thoughts in my head: What if we knew our time would be cut short here on this earth...if we each would go 'long before our time'...?? And it hit me. Bam. It will be...we will! For all of us. Our days are numbered. Whether it's 16 days or 116 years. It is short. Not long-lasting. Not eternal. Not eternity.
Shortly after Avelyn passed a friend of mine, who has also lost a child, sent me this saying:
"They say that time in heaven is compared to "the blink of an eye" for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what she is doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there."
This brings 2 thoughts to my mind. First, I'm hoping Avelyn doesn't miss me. I truly feel she is now our guardian angel, looking out for us, but I hope she doesn't miss me. Thankfully she is too busy enjoying heaven. :) Second, my time here on this earth is short. I will be in heaven--with her--before I know it. And if you know Jesus, and how He died for YOU, you will too. And I pray this is the case...
My devotional this morning was titled "Protection for Your Soul." It talked about how there is no doubt God protects us, but He is concerned first and fore-most about protecting our soul. The first verse it mentioned was Matthew 10:28. Jesus is talking to His disciples, getting ready to send them out to share God's word, to find the 'lost,' to heal the sick. After giving them some of these instructions in the beginning of chapter 10, in verse 28 he says, "Don't be afraid of those who want to kill you. They can only kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell." Then the author of the devotional states "they can 'only' kill my body? And this should be a relief to me?" Ha! The authors comment made me laugh. So true. A relief? As ridiculous and as sarcastic as this sounds, Yes. Yes it should be a relief...at least vs. the opposing option which is eternity in hell - for both body and soul. I feel like I'm finally starting to get it. I feel like I've known this, it's just hitting me harder now. So much importance is put on things of this earth; I do it ALL the time. And things are important here, just not as important as we probably think they are. And for sure not as important, not even close, to the importance of making sure we will spend eternity with Him, our God, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Knowing this, learning this has been a process for me, and it will continue to be. But when God takes your daughter, it changes your perspective. As much as I miss our Avelyn KayLee Grace - and this will NEVER stop, I'm so thankful he puts more importance on our life with Him than our life here on earth. Because she is there for eternity, FOR-EV-ER, and compared to that, we are here - for only "the blink of an eye."
So would I have done things differently 'If I Would Have Known...?' I hope not. I really do hope not. I hope I gave my daughter all the love she needed and wanted the few short days she was here on this earth. This brings tears to my eyes because I hope I packed a lot of love on those quick, short 16 days. What about my big girls? Am I showing them enough love? Giving them enough of my time? And the more important question...am I teaching them about God? About God's love? About how much God loves them? About how they need to accept Him...to ask Him into their lives? - Because yes, I want to show them all the love and give them all the time they want and need here on this earth, but oh how much more I want ALL of us to spend eternity in heaven together, with our baby girl, with their sister, with our angel Avelyn. :)
Shortly after Avelyn passed a friend of mine, who has also lost a child, sent me this saying:
"They say that time in heaven is compared to "the blink of an eye" for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what she is doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there."
This brings 2 thoughts to my mind. First, I'm hoping Avelyn doesn't miss me. I truly feel she is now our guardian angel, looking out for us, but I hope she doesn't miss me. Thankfully she is too busy enjoying heaven. :) Second, my time here on this earth is short. I will be in heaven--with her--before I know it. And if you know Jesus, and how He died for YOU, you will too. And I pray this is the case...
My devotional this morning was titled "Protection for Your Soul." It talked about how there is no doubt God protects us, but He is concerned first and fore-most about protecting our soul. The first verse it mentioned was Matthew 10:28. Jesus is talking to His disciples, getting ready to send them out to share God's word, to find the 'lost,' to heal the sick. After giving them some of these instructions in the beginning of chapter 10, in verse 28 he says, "Don't be afraid of those who want to kill you. They can only kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell." Then the author of the devotional states "they can 'only' kill my body? And this should be a relief to me?" Ha! The authors comment made me laugh. So true. A relief? As ridiculous and as sarcastic as this sounds, Yes. Yes it should be a relief...at least vs. the opposing option which is eternity in hell - for both body and soul. I feel like I'm finally starting to get it. I feel like I've known this, it's just hitting me harder now. So much importance is put on things of this earth; I do it ALL the time. And things are important here, just not as important as we probably think they are. And for sure not as important, not even close, to the importance of making sure we will spend eternity with Him, our God, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Knowing this, learning this has been a process for me, and it will continue to be. But when God takes your daughter, it changes your perspective. As much as I miss our Avelyn KayLee Grace - and this will NEVER stop, I'm so thankful he puts more importance on our life with Him than our life here on earth. Because she is there for eternity, FOR-EV-ER, and compared to that, we are here - for only "the blink of an eye."
So would I have done things differently 'If I Would Have Known...?' I hope not. I really do hope not. I hope I gave my daughter all the love she needed and wanted the few short days she was here on this earth. This brings tears to my eyes because I hope I packed a lot of love on those quick, short 16 days. What about my big girls? Am I showing them enough love? Giving them enough of my time? And the more important question...am I teaching them about God? About God's love? About how much God loves them? About how they need to accept Him...to ask Him into their lives? - Because yes, I want to show them all the love and give them all the time they want and need here on this earth, but oh how much more I want ALL of us to spend eternity in heaven together, with our baby girl, with their sister, with our angel Avelyn. :)
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