With thank you notes sent and the photo book done, I figured it was time this morning to start on the next major project since Avelyn has passed.--That would be working on her room. After a great night's rest and Josh watching the girls, I thought 'I can do this.' Fortunately we didn't have a lot of her room done/decorated before she was born, so I figured this would make things easier. It probably has, but after taking a few of her clothes off of hangers and folding them today, I lost it. Having 2 girls already and loving my GIRLS to pieces, I was so looking forward to having another girl and dressing her in some of those same cute clothes, including more fun summer dresses this time. It breaks my heart that I haven't had this and won't have this with our sweet Avelyn. It was a tough morning and early afternoon. The highlight of my day came with playing and dancing in the rain with my big girls. "You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray..." Because Avelyn IS our Sunshine, I was able to experience her even in the rain...she makes me 'happy even when skies are gray.' I miss her more than words can express, but I cherish moments like this when I can feel her...and experience just a small taste of what she feels in heaven--letting everything go and 'dancing even in the rain.' Needless to say I didn't get her room even close to being done and it will continue to be hard, but this moment will hopefully help me through the next time I decide to tackle this project. I love you baby girl and miss you so much, my beautiful Sunshine.
As the song 'Oceans' by Hillsong that was just on states, "...Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior..."--I relied on this song a lot when Avelyn was fighting, and I continue to...as sometimes I don't understand, but I know I can trust Him. So I ask Him to help this trust and faith continue to grow as I continue to go through tough times like today where I am so sad and angry and heartbroken and longing to hold and cuddle with my baby girl...and I just don't understand, that He would help me to give it all to Him, help me to trust Him more, and help to get me through... As I want to Let My Light Shine, Let Our Light Shine--EVEN IN THE RAIN, because I KNOW this is what Avelyn wants...my beautiful Sunshine. :)