10:25pm Despite always missing Avelyn and thinking about her probably 100s of times every day, recently it seems my tears have been remaining at bay. Tonight though, the moment Brooklan became emotional, saying "I miss Avelyn," they came to the forefront again. There's just another whole level of sadness when you see your children crying...being sad. As my tears came immediately after Brooklan uttered these words, I started praying in my head for God to give me the strength to help her and handle my own tears at that moment. And He did. As Josh thankfully took care of Aili, Brooklan and I had some time to talk and be together. There were still tears, but He helped me control them while I was trying to help Brooklan. She really hasn't cried much since her sister passed, so I cherish these moments where maybe it is good for her to let her emotions go, and I want to be there for her in these moments to help her through them...with the help of God's grace. We talked together and we looked through Avelyn's album together; I made sure to point out to Brooklan that all the tubes Avelyn has in the pictures are GONE and that--bc we believe in Jesus--we will get to see her again--healthy and without the tubes--when we go to heaven.
Right before bed, she said a prayer (we've all been trying to pray together in the big girls' room before they go to sleep); even though we had said a prayer already, she wanted to say another one. She asked God to help her see tomorrow that Avelyn is ok...and she prayed that God will be with all the moms or siblings in the world who have lost a baby. Such a sweet prayer. :)
As I walked out of their room, I lost it.--I thank God I was able to hold it together that long. Thankfully Josh was right there to comfort me, which always helps. We enjoyed a good talk together on our front porch...taking in the beautiful evening, as well. As we prayed together, I prayed that God would help lead us and guide us and help us know how to handle moments like this with our sweet girls here on earth. So far they have seemed to do really well, but I just wonder if there is something we are missing. I pray God will give us His eyes to help us see if/when they need help. As has been the case through all of this, we will rely on God and on His amazing strength and grace, and on your continued prayers to help us. Thank u!! :)
Right before bed, she said a prayer (we've all been trying to pray together in the big girls' room before they go to sleep); even though we had said a prayer already, she wanted to say another one. She asked God to help her see tomorrow that Avelyn is ok...and she prayed that God will be with all the moms or siblings in the world who have lost a baby. Such a sweet prayer. :)
As I walked out of their room, I lost it.--I thank God I was able to hold it together that long. Thankfully Josh was right there to comfort me, which always helps. We enjoyed a good talk together on our front porch...taking in the beautiful evening, as well. As we prayed together, I prayed that God would help lead us and guide us and help us know how to handle moments like this with our sweet girls here on earth. So far they have seemed to do really well, but I just wonder if there is something we are missing. I pray God will give us His eyes to help us see if/when they need help. As has been the case through all of this, we will rely on God and on His amazing strength and grace, and on your continued prayers to help us. Thank u!! :)
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