1:23am Just a few minutes ago, the day rolled over to what would have been Avelyn's 10 month birthday. Just recently I realized how close we are getting to what would have been us celebrating our 3rd daughter's first birthday. Shortly after Avelyn passed, people would tell me "time will heal." I honestly didn't believe them at all at the time. Much to my surprise, time does begin to heal, but as I expected, it doesn't fully heal. Things have gotten easier, but not easy. The past month has been a bit tough for me. Overall I am still coping well, I believe, but it was just a hard month. Recently it seems I have had such highs and lows. Twice in the past week, I have had moments where Josh & I and our big girls were having so much fun - dancing, playing games, tickling feet...then the next moment, I found myself with tears, just wanting these joyous moments to last, not wanting them to be over, wanting to experience them not only again and again with our big girls, but also with our precious Avelyn. It breaks my heart the latter won't happen, at least not this side of heaven.
In all this, I continue to feel God's peace within me. His Holy Spirit continues to comfort me, and I am so thankful I have Josh to help me through these tough times, as well. My faith in God gives me peace, and my other big thing right now is HOPE. I don't know why our daughter was taken from the life we wanted here with her, I don't understand. But I continue to rely on God's promise that "He works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28). I continue to try to soak myself up - my heart and my mind - in this promise. And this is what gives me hope. As the book we continue to study in our life group, "Trusting God" states, He works for our good and His glory. I put my faith in this, which gives me hope. He has big things planned for the impact Avelyn's life will have, and as her mommy and His child, I am thankful for this. I have hope in my life as well, that He will help me through these tough times and work everything out "for the good."
In regards to planning our race in memory of Avelyn, the past month has proved a bit challenging. Prior to the City of Spring Hill approving the race, we must have multiple things in place. I am happy to report the 5K route has been approved by the police dept, so this ball is rolling. A big thank you to our friend from church who has helped us with the route! So thankful for this. The insurance for the race has been my biggest headache. After calling multiple companies to get various quotes, I am so thankful to report that today paperwork has been faxed in to make this official. Thank goodness! I will be SO thankful when I have this document in my hand and we can get all this to the city for final approval. We are now looking at the end of March to get everything officially approved, then let the other details begin...or at least continue to move. :) We are still looking at a date of Saturday, May 23rd, and we are super excited for this. We are also very close to being able to order a shipment of children's bibles, so this is super exciting, as well. We found out the publisher that prints the bibles requires an order of > 2,500 bibles to pre-print our story on the inside covers, so we will need to print stickers and place this in ourselves; this is an idea we got from the Nathan Project. So excited to get these bibles and get them into the hands of God's children!!
I am so thankful my faith is deeply rooted in our Lord and Savior. Despite my emotions being all over the place lately (and probably for several months), my mind remains steadfast on Him. As I read in "Trusting God" today, "We must not allow our emotions to hold sway over our minds. Rather, we must seek to let the truth of God rule our minds. Our emotions must become subservient to the truth. This does not mean we do not feel the pain of adversity and heartache. We feel it keenly...but we must resist allowing that pain (to let us lose our focus and our trust in Him)."
"But those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
"'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
"Let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
And from a song I love - "Lord, I Need You" by Matt Maher: "...And when I cannot stand I'll fall on you, Jesus you're my HOPE and stay..."
In all this, I continue to feel God's peace within me. His Holy Spirit continues to comfort me, and I am so thankful I have Josh to help me through these tough times, as well. My faith in God gives me peace, and my other big thing right now is HOPE. I don't know why our daughter was taken from the life we wanted here with her, I don't understand. But I continue to rely on God's promise that "He works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28). I continue to try to soak myself up - my heart and my mind - in this promise. And this is what gives me hope. As the book we continue to study in our life group, "Trusting God" states, He works for our good and His glory. I put my faith in this, which gives me hope. He has big things planned for the impact Avelyn's life will have, and as her mommy and His child, I am thankful for this. I have hope in my life as well, that He will help me through these tough times and work everything out "for the good."
In regards to planning our race in memory of Avelyn, the past month has proved a bit challenging. Prior to the City of Spring Hill approving the race, we must have multiple things in place. I am happy to report the 5K route has been approved by the police dept, so this ball is rolling. A big thank you to our friend from church who has helped us with the route! So thankful for this. The insurance for the race has been my biggest headache. After calling multiple companies to get various quotes, I am so thankful to report that today paperwork has been faxed in to make this official. Thank goodness! I will be SO thankful when I have this document in my hand and we can get all this to the city for final approval. We are now looking at the end of March to get everything officially approved, then let the other details begin...or at least continue to move. :) We are still looking at a date of Saturday, May 23rd, and we are super excited for this. We are also very close to being able to order a shipment of children's bibles, so this is super exciting, as well. We found out the publisher that prints the bibles requires an order of > 2,500 bibles to pre-print our story on the inside covers, so we will need to print stickers and place this in ourselves; this is an idea we got from the Nathan Project. So excited to get these bibles and get them into the hands of God's children!!
I am so thankful my faith is deeply rooted in our Lord and Savior. Despite my emotions being all over the place lately (and probably for several months), my mind remains steadfast on Him. As I read in "Trusting God" today, "We must not allow our emotions to hold sway over our minds. Rather, we must seek to let the truth of God rule our minds. Our emotions must become subservient to the truth. This does not mean we do not feel the pain of adversity and heartache. We feel it keenly...but we must resist allowing that pain (to let us lose our focus and our trust in Him)."
"But those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
"'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
"Let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
And from a song I love - "Lord, I Need You" by Matt Maher: "...And when I cannot stand I'll fall on you, Jesus you're my HOPE and stay..."
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